


sleep on the floor

by astrosminsung



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: 18 years to write, Angst, AnyFuckingWay, Fluff, M/M, Song fic, but then, it's also taken me like ., lapslock, nothing too serious but please don't hurt yourself, this is soft!!!!, tw for some descriptions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 07:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15238281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrosminsung/pseuds/astrosminsung
Summary: Pack yourself a toothbrush dearPack yourself a favorite blouseTake a withdrawal slipTake all of your savings out'Cause if we don't leave this townWe might never make it outI was not born to drownBaby come on





	sleep on the floor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [funkylilwriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/funkylilwriter/gifts).



> IT'S VAI'S BIRTHDAY TODAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!!!!!! I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS MESS
> 
> \----
> 
> based on [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYukSbNk0X8)  
> 

——

**_“Pack yourself a toothbrush dear_ **

**_Pack yourself a favorite blouse_ **

**_Take a withdrawal slip_ **

**_Take all of your savings out_ **

**_'Cause if we don't leave this town_ **

**_We might never make it out_ **

**_I was not born to drown_ **

**_Baby come on”_ **

——

 

he hurries around his room, trying to keep as quiet as possible while he stuffs everything he needs into the ratty backpack slumped atop his bedsheets. he grabs the final thing, something that is more for sentimental value than the need to have it-a old, stained purple bunny that his mother gave him as a baby. it is splotchy and one eye is near to falling off completely. there’s a thick, messy line of black thread running across the base of one of the ears too, and Dongmin remembers the night him and Bin were partaking in some, uhm, adult activities, and the ear accidentally got ripped off. he remembers they had to stop right in the middle because Dongmin had started crying, and he remembers how Bin felt so bad that, despite his complete lack of sewing knowledge and ability, took the bunny and the now detached ear, and spent the next half an hour doing his best to sew it back on. he smiles fondly, placing a kiss atop the bunny’s matted fur and gently places it on top of everything. he pulls the zipper closed, pulling the straps over his shoulders. 

 

he remakes his bed, making the light blue sheets look as perfect as possible. he situates his pillows just so, and heads to his desk and takes out the note he had written the night before, placing the carefully folded piece of notebook paper at the exact center of his bed. he makes sure his door doesn’t make a sound as he opens it, and he’s careful not to step on any of the creek boards in the hallway. he, as quietly as possible, takes the keys to the car he was given for his 16th birthday from the kitchen counter, and makes sure to lock the front door behind him. he stands with his back pressed against the front door for only a moment, fighting back the tears that are making his eyes burn as he makes his way down the walkway to his car. he unlocks it, throws his backpack into the backseat, and backs down the driveway. 

 

he drives carefully, the streetlights blurry in his peripheral vision as he keeps his eyes on the still dark horizon. he stops at the bank, getting there right as they open and withdraws every last penny from his savings account. he takes the envelope of cash and thanks the teller. he pulls a few blocks away before pulling over, grabbing his backpack out of the backseat and taking the large folder from the front pocket. he takes the money from the envelope and adds it to the bundle of money in the folder. he sighs as he looks at it. $40,000. money he has been withdrawing in chunks over the last year. money he only has because he got a job the second he turned 15, and put all except a select amount of his paycheck into savings. another long breath leaves his nose and he puts the folder back into his backpack, putting the now empty envelope into the wall trash bag on the floor. he turns his blinker on and pulls back out onto the main road.

 

it’s only a 30 minute drive to Bin’s house. he knows this, he’s driven this exact route thousands of times, but why does time seem to pass so slowly now? maybe it’s the lack music, or maybe it’s the continuous thoughts of his mother’s reaction when she finds her son gone, reading a letter that simply states;

 

_“Mom I’m sorry, but I have to go. This is my last goodbye to you. I can’t tell you where I’m going, because honestly even I don’t know. I won’t be alone. I’ve blocked your number, please don’t try to contact me. I love you, mom. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry._

 

_I’ll always love you.”_

 

he wonders if she’ll notice the tear stains causing some the ink to run across the thin paper. he hopes she doesn’t.

 

——

**_“Forget what Father Brennan said_ **

**_We were not born in sin_ **

**_Leave a note on your bed_ **

**_Let your mother know you're safe_ **

**_And by the time she wakes_ **

**_We'll have driven through the state_ **

**_We'll have driven through the night_ **

**_Baby come on”_ **

_——_

 

he remembers when the priest told them they were living in sin. he remembers when his mother dropped them off at the church, and when his father dragged both of them inside. he remembers never looking up from the floor as his father yelled at the priest, explaining how disgusting he and Bin are, for simply loving each other. he remembers before that even, remembers the fear sitting heavy in his stomach when his father had walked in on him and Bin kissing, remembers the disgust in his eyes as he slammed the door shut.

 

 

—

_Dongmin’s ears are ringing, his skin is numb, the only thing he feels is Bin’s hand on his elbow. he crawls off of his bed, standing on shaking legs as he faces his door. he can hear his dad yelling, no, screaming at his mom._

 

_“THAT IS NOT MY FUCKING SON, THAT IS A DISGUSTING-“ Dongmin covers his ears, knowing the slur that was about to spill from his father’s lips._

 

_he uncovers his ears a moment later, hating the semi-silence more than the loud noise. “-THEY BOTH DESERVE TO DIE, THEY ARE DOING THAT DISGUSTING BULLSHIT IN MY HOUSE. FUCK NO.”_

 

_Dongmin’s eyes go wide, he feels dizzy and he feels the warmth of arms wrapping around him. “Bin-“_

 

_“he’s wrong, Dongmin. we need to go-“ the door slams open and Dongmin feels himself being pulled from Bin’s arms._

 

_Dongmin’s mind has gone blank. he can only think of Bin being dragged beside him, both of their wrists held firmly in his father’s hands. Dongmin stumbles over his own feet, the sharp pain on the back of his head after being thrown against the wall causing tears to jump to his eyes._

 

_“DONGMIN-“ Bin is cut off after being thrown against the wall beside him, and Dongmin can feel his heart burn in his chest._

 

_“YOU-“ his father comes forward, grabbing Dongmin by the neck and pressing him high enoughon the wall that Dongmin can no longer reach the floor. “YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE FUCK.”_

 

_Dongmin couldn’t breathe, he gagged on air unavailable to him, his hands gripping at his father’s wrist as his knuckles turned white._

 

_“HOW DARE YOU PULL THAT SHIT IN MY HOUSE.”_

 

_Dongmin’s vision is fuzzy around the edges, black spots floating through his line of sight; he feels tears fall from his eyes, sliding smoothly down his red face. he can feel the strength seeping from his limbs when he feels a smaller, softer hand touch his arm._

 

_“sweetie, don’t.” his mother stops him, a hand gripping tightly at his father’s wrist, his hand still gripped tightly around Dongmin’s neck. “the priest can fix them.”_

_—_

 

 

his heart is beating hard against his chest, his palms sweaty as he grips tightly at the steering wheel, breaths near shaky as Bin climbs into the passenger seat. 

 

“take a breath,” Bin says, glancing over at Dongmin as he places a gentle hand on his thigh. “everything will be okay.”

 

“i hope so,” Dongmin says, taking a breath, puffing out his chest before letting it out in a huff.

 

“it will! i promise it will,” Bin rubs his thumb against the soft fabric covering dongmin’s leg.

 

“how do you know?” Dongmin knows he shouldn’t question it, but he’s still scared.

 

“because i say so,” is Bin’s only response.

 

“okay,” Dongmin wipes his eyes again, still trying to rub away the long-dry tears from his cheeks.

 

“i love you, Dongmin. everything will end up okay. i promise,” Bin repeats.

 

“i love you too, you sap,” Dongmin smiles softly over at the bundle of sunshine beside him.

 

“good! let’s go, then,” Bin smiles, clapping his hands as Dongmin chuckles, pulling away from a house neither of them will ever see again.

 

——

**_“If the sun don't shine on me today_ **

**_And if the subways flood and bridges break_ **

**_Will you lay yourself down and dig your grave_ **

**_Or will you rail against your dying day”_ **

——

 

they’ve been driving for an hour now, the sun has started peaking over the horizon and their comfortable silence has been long drowned out by the radio Dongmin had turned on not long after they had started driving down the highway.

 

Bin glances over at Dongmin, looking over his tired, anxiety plagued eyes. over his round nose, his angelic lips, and there Bin’s eyes stay. they stop at a red light, and in the moment of pause, Bin mumbles Dongmin’s name.

 

“Dongmin,”

 

and as Dongmin looks over, the red light sitting above them reflecting in his tired eyes, Bin places a gentle hand on his cheek and kisses him. their lips fit together like they were molded for each other, and Bin bites on Dongmin’s bottom lip gently before pulling away. he smiles to himself, eyes turning into crescents at Dongmin’s contented sigh as the light turns green and they begin to drive once more.

 

——

**_“And when we looked outside_ **

**_Couldn't even see the sky_ **

**_How do you pay the rent_ **

**_Is it your parents_ **

**_Or is hard work dear_ **

**_Holding the atmosphere_ **

**_I don't wanna live like that, yeah”_ **

——

 

they’ve been driving for nearly 3 weeks now. they’d passed through towns and stopped by shops, stayed at shitty motels and eaten at roadside cafés. they’d even managed to get new phones, and of course Dongmin memorized his and Bin’s new numbers in a day. 

 

they’ve just left a town with a population of 107. it was the first place they had stayed in for multiple days, and in that time they met most of the town and even had lunch with some kind women one day. everyone had been incredibly welcoming, and sad to see them go, but Bin and Dongmin had agreed the small town wasn’t for them. 

 

they’re driving down winding mountain roads now, and Bin has long since forced Dongmin to trade places and rest. Bin steals a glance over at his boyfriend, and watches as his eyes follow what seems like every passing cloud in the sky, his eyelashes almost brushing the window as he blinks slowly. 

 

“penny for your thoughts?” Bin asks, adoration still obvious in his tone.

 

Dongmin didn’t respond at first, but Bin knows better than to interrupt his thought process. 

 

“do you miss them?” Dongmin asks eventually, and Bin looked over curiously.

 

“miss who?”

 

“your parents,” ah. so that’s what’s on his mind.

 

“if i’m being honest, not really. they didn’t care about me, only cared when they found out i’m gay. it’s not like they’ll miss me, so why should i miss them, ya know,” Bin said, sparing a glance over at Dongmin.

 

“yeah,” is all Dongmin says in response.

 

Bin reaches over and takes Dongmin’s hand in his own, intertwining their fingers and squeezing gently, hoping the comfort he’s trying to press into Dongmin’s skin through his fingertips is calming to the older boy.

 

_——_

**_“If the sun don't shine on me today_ **

**_If the subways flood and bridges break”_ **

——

 

Dongmin smiles as he looks down at Bin, fast asleep with his head leaned against his shoulder and arm wrapped securely around Dongmin’s waist. he holds that smile, lavishing in the softness of the moment, even going as far as to look around him, memorizing his surroundings so he can lock this moment away to only take out when he needs to remember what love feels like; like fire in your chest, and like the feeling of the metro car swaying back and forth as it speeds down the tracks andthe feeling of the cool glass against the back of his head as he leans back against the window. the feeling of being _free_ and _comfortable_ with that love.

 

he looks at the people around them now, no one seems to be sparing them so much as a glance, and Dongmin loves it. he lets his eyes sweep over the woman sitting on the opposite side of the car, nose buried in a book and glasses nearly falling of the tip of her nose. now at the man standing near the doors at the center of the car, swaying along with the car itself as he types quickly on his phone, one arm hooked around the pole and the other holding grocery bags. Dongmin lets his gaze slide to the girl sitting across from them now, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, she’s wearing a black coat and a grey jumpers. she’s holding a bag securely in the crook of her forearm, and Dongmin smiles as he lets his eyes linger on the pride pin clipped to the very center of her bag.

 

——

**_“Jesus Christ can't save me tonight_ **

**_Put on your dress, yes wear something nice_ **

**_Decide on me, yea decide on us_ **

**_Oh, oh, oh, Illinois, Illinois”_ **

——

 

Dongmin feels giddy as he sits in the passenger seat of their all too familiar car. his leg bouncing and the smile that pulled his lips impossibly high never once leaving his face.

 

“so,” Dongmin looks over at Bin for the thousandth time in the last twenty minutes. “where are we going?”

 

Bin sighs beside him. “for the last time,” Bin pauses to spare a glance at Dongmin. “i’m not telling you,” he seems like he wants to seem serious, but Dongmin’s smile only grows bigger as Bin’s words are colored by his soft laugh.

 

Dongmin straightens his suit jacket indignantly. “i’m your _boyfriend_! i _deserve to know_ where we’re going on our first formal date not only as a couple, but after leaving as well! it’s my right!” he exclaims.

 

“and you _will_ know as soon as we get there,” Bin is openly giggling now, the sound only making the love in dongmin’s heart grow impossibly bigger.

 

“fine,” Dongmin’s pretend pout is overpowered by his happiness, and the smile that had momentarily left returns once more.

 

Bin pulls over suddenly, pulling off onto a small side-road and Dongmin’s curiosity only grows as he notices that they’re on the outskirts of the city.

 

“wha-“

 

“put this on,” Bin interrupts, holding a blindfold out to Dongmin.

 

“Bin… you know i’m not into this sort of thing,” he says, looking at Bin with one eyebrow raised.

 

“oh my god that’s not what it’s for you perv. just put it on, i’m trying to keep this surprise a _surprise_ , okay?” Bin replies, exasperation nearly masking the amusement in his tone. he takes Dongmin’s hand and drops the blindfold into his forcefully-opened palm, and when Dongmin still looks suspicious, he pushes Dongmin’s own hand closer to himself, eyes wide as he looks from the blindfold back up to Dongmin again.

 

“okay…” Dongmin’s still furrowed eyebrows squish down as he ties the blindfold securely, temporarily blinding himself.

 

“Bin,” Dongmin murmurs after a moment.

 

“yeah?”

 

“can you hold my hand?” Dongmin would later refuse that his cheeks had become warm at the simple question of holding hands.

 

“of course we can,” Bin takes Dongmin’s left hand in his right, intertwining their fingers. “any particular reason why?”

 

“i just,” Dongmin takes a breath. “i like knowing you won’t leave,”

 

“Dongmin…” Bin squeezes his hand. “i would never leave you.”

 

Dongmin doesn’t respond after that, letting the silent tears roll down his cheeks as he feels the car begin to move once more.

 

***

 

Dongmin wasn’t sure how long it’d been since he put the blindfold on, but before he knew it he feels the car stopping and hears Bin say “one second” as he pulls his hand from Dongmin’s grip and closes the car door behind himself. Dongmin doesn’t have time to register the slight panic welling up in his chest because after only a moment the passenger door is being opened and he’s being pulled carefully from the car, the feeling of Bin’s warm hand on top of his head lingering even after the warmth is gone. 

 

“Bin, please tell me where we are,” Dongmin feels around for a moment before finding Bin’s outstretched hand, plastering himself to his boyfriend’s side immediately.

 

“you’ll know in a second, i promise. now come this way,” Bin says, beginning to lead Dongmin over what feels like crushed gravel and then grass. Dongmin feels wind on his face after a few more steps, cool air blowing through his air, causing goosebumps to rise up along his neck.

 

they stop after a moment, and Dongmin feels Bin turn to him.

 

“okay, you can take the blindfold off now,” and Bin’s voice sounds _giddy_.

 

Dongmin untangles his arms from Bin’s and reaches up, closing his eyes as he carefully pulls the blindfold off, doing his best not to mess up his styled hair. he lets his hands drop to his sides before opening his eyes and,

 

“ _oh, Bin,_ ” and it comes out more like a sigh than an exclamation, but Dongmin doesn’t care as he feels his jaw drop.

 

it’s beautiful; the sunset shining over the mountains, baby blue blending into purple then to pink and orange and red and then navy just behind the clouds. the light reflecting around the mountainsides beneath and around them, and Dongmin ignores his fear of heights as he grips the gate in front of them and leans out, the cold air cooling his face and mussing his hair.

 

“it’s beautiful,” he says, leaning back once more and looking around them, to the tall trees above them and then lingering on the restaurant beside them.

 

“welcome to our first fancy date,” Bin’s smile is wide, and he takes Dongmin’s hand in his own, holding the other out towards the lovely looking building. 

 

the moment they step inside, Dongmin’s heart swells. it’s warm and pleasant, and the hostess doesn’t so much as bat an eye at them as they walk in, hands still clutched together. she shows them to their table and bows as she walks away. Dongmin’s eyes are _sparkling_ as he looks around them once again; at the fairy lights strung above their heads, and the intricate patterns carved into the wood pillars. he stares out the window beside them next, and he can honestly say he’s never felt happier.

 

they order their food a few minutes later, and eat not long after that. they both bury their server in compliments, and insist on their gratitude being shared heavily with the chef. and just as Dongmin rethinks for the hundredth time that he can never feel happier than he does right now, Bin stands from his chair. every pair of eyes in the room are on him, and Dongmin watches his adam’s apple bob as he swallows.

 

“Bin what-“

 

“Dongmin, i love you,” Bin interrupts, the statement breathed out but not losing any of its meaning. “i’ve loved you for as long as i can remember. you make me happier than anything, and in the last year, i’ve felt happier, freer and more in _love_ than i have ever felt before. you make my days brighter, and my nights calmer, and i have an infinite amount of things to thank you for. you honestly kept me alive through high school, and i don’t know where i’d be without you. and Dongmin, i am so _fucking proud_ of you. i am so proud of you for making it to here, i know how hard it was. i’m so proud of you for everything you’ve done, especially in the last year,” Bin pauses to take a breath, and Dongmin only registers the tears slipping down his own cheeks when he notices Bin’s eyes shining with tears of his own. “Dongmin,” Bin kneels down then, and pulls a ring out of his pocket, smiling widely as he looks down at it. “this is a promise ring. i want to marry you one day, but we’re still young and figuring stuff out. so for now, this is to hold the place of an engagement ring. i love you Dongmin, and i know you love me, and i want to be with you forever. i will always be here, right by your side to love and support you, and that is my promise to you.”

 

——

**_“Pack yourself a toothbrush dear_ **

**_Pack yourself a favorite blouse_ **

**_Take a withdrawal slip_ **

**_Take all of your savings out_ **

**_'Cause if we don't leave this town_ **

**_We might never make it out”_ **

_——_

 

it’s been almost 4 years since they ran away. they both have jobs now, and they have friends and a shared apartment. but tonight is something special, tonight they’re sleeping over at one of their friend’s houses. and yeah, maybe they’re tipsy, and maybe Dongmin is sitting in Bin’s lap, Bin’s hands resting on Dongmin’s hips, playing with the waistband of his pajama pants, Dongmin’s own fingers curled into bin’s hair as they kiss sloppily, lips clashing together like waves. 

 

and yeah maybe they stop in the middle, chests bare as their shirts had already been tossed to the side, but as they lay on the floor, they both let quiet laughs puff from their chests, clasping their hands together between them as they feel the nostalgia creep up under their skin and tickle at the base of their heads. nostalgia caused by the memories of when they’d lay like this on Bin’s roof, fingers intertwined just as they are now, quiet words whispered so only they and the stars above could hear. or when they’d sleep on the floor rather than the bed in many of the motels they stayed in, paranoia due to the possibility of bed bugs keeping Dongmin from laying a finger on the mattress, and Bin’s extreme dislike of the idea of sleeping anywhere but right beside Dongmin giving them all the persuasion they needed to curl into each other on the floor, blankets taken from their car cushioning the hard surface below them.

 

nostalgia that now, also calms their breaths, and places smiles on their faces as they drift from consciousness. and as they now sleep on the floor, fingers intertwined and legs entangled, breaths mingling between them, they’re free.

**Author's Note:**

> BIG!! HUGE!! THANK YOU TO VAI FOR HELPING ME WITH SOME PARTS OF THIS ILY I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE THE END RESULT!!!!!!
> 
> cry about this special album announcement with me on !!!!
> 
> \- [finger guns (my main)](lovelyjjonghyun.tumblr.com)  
> \- [jazz hands (my incorrect astro quotes blog)](incorrect-astro.tumblr.com)  
> \- [winks (my twt)](https://twitter.com/jjinwhoops)  
> 


End file.
